Not so hot for teacher
It's Freaky Friday time at Bayside, as the students become teachers and Zack becomes principal. Unfortunately, this involves way too much of Kelly being bitchy and Slater being...well, Slater, and not nearly enough of Belding's office decorated with Paula Abdul posters.

Indian bummer
Native American surfer dude Chief Henry meets his untimely end so that Zack can learn a Very Important Lesson. Given that he seemed perfectly healthy, our guess is that the Chief was simply annoyed to death by Jessie and her White Guilt.

Hate the playa and the game
It's sex, lies and volleyball as the Malibu Sands Beach Club prepares for the big match against North Beach. Oh, except there's no sex. And not much lying, either, unless you count the big one Zack pulls over on Carosi to get him to back their ragtag team. But there is lots of volleyball. Um, yay?

Idiots, Incorporated
Charged with creating a business for an econ assignment, the gang breaks apart to screw each other over, then reunites at the last minute so they don't all fail. The result is a string of ridiculous product ideas, each more stupid than the last. Were it not for an awesome "commercial" that has a Buddy Band-ed Slater dancing with Jessie and Kelly in sequined bras, I would've thought I was watching an episode of The Apprentice.

Wrestlemania!
Female wrestler Kristy Barnes rolls into Bayside to teach everyone a Very Important Lesson about gender roles. So Important is this Lesson, as it turns out, that there is no time for Jessie to learn that "pigism" isn't actually a word, nor for the rest of us to learn why Coach Sonski has a mysterious accent straight outta Newark. But at least we all now know how to escape a choke hold by administering a noogie.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of really hideous clothing
The Fourth of July finds the girls of Malibu Sands exercising their God-given right to dress like they're on their way to a drag show (or Disneyland or a third-grade school pageant, in the case of Kelly and Jessie). In the delayed-reaction category, Carosi finally fires Zack (only to hire him back later the same day under threat of a lawsuit), and Zack and Stacey finally make out.

That's Ms. Chick to you
Or is it Mr. Chick? All we know is, in this episode, Jessie claims that if she were a guy, she'd punch her evil stepbrother. And then...she punches him. Yeah, you don't have to be a mathematician to add that one up. Even the math-challenged Lisa Turtle could figure it out.

Welcome to the meat market
The Carlton Banks of Bayside High makes Lisa feel like an airhead, which is totally unfair because he's not even that smart. (Judging by his pronunciation of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, he obviously thinks the book takes place at a college in Indiana.) Also, Jessie continues to be a psycho (although we kind of see her point this time), and Zack learns a Very Important Lesson about fat people that lasts all of 30 seconds.

Nothing's too good for Max...except for paying him
The gang learns the important lesson that constantly skipping out on the check at your favorite restaurant could lead it to bankruptcy. OK, actually they don't seem to grasp that lesson. The real lesson here is that all problems can be solved by finding a radio station in the basement of your school.

Dance Party: It's no Fast Forward
Casey Kasem returns to Bayside to host a dance party that not only highlights everyone's insecurities (Zack is a horrible dancer; Jessie quite rightly is convinced she's a freak) but also gives Slater an opportunity to dress and act even more homosexually than usual!

When Jessie's away, the pigs will play
The school inherits $10,000, which sends the boys and girls into a war over who will get the money for their respective sports teams (despite the fact that, as far as we know, Bayside has a grand total of two sports teams). But the SBTB producers love any storyline that lets them a) dress everyone up in red and blue sweatsuits, b) set up Zack to get caught cheating and c) wrap the whole thing up with a dance.

Teen Line: Not as dirty as it sounds (Rap Room: Exactly as stupid as it sounds)
Zack continues his charitable work with the Zack Morris Foundation for Helping Pretty Girls when Tori starts a teen line and "rap room." Basically, the whole thing is just an excuse to have yet another dance (and for Zack to learn another one of those Very Important Lessons, of course).

Jessica Myrtle Spano: Gone, but somehow still annoying us
Tori waltzes into Bayside with her pushed-up motorcycle-jacket sleeves to pick up where Jessie left off, blurring the fine lines between "man" and "woman" and making fun of Zack's choice of girlfriends (namely Ginger). Whatever, Tori. Let's see you try and land a stud like Pete Sampras!

Peace on earth, and goodwill to all the good-looking homeless people
More Christmas spirit, as the gang pimps Moody's Store for Men using some really awful British accents in the loosest adaptation of Dickens ever. Oh, and they also befriend some token homeless people.

Jingle Bells, Bayside smells
It's Christmas, which means it's time for the gang to learn some important lessons. Like how to tape the bottom of a box before you wrap it. And how you shouldn't buy a doll that pees all over you.

Is that an oil derrick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
The gang rescues some much-beloved oak trees that the rest of us have never seen from the hands of a Chris-Noth-lookalike in a string tie. Which doesn't matter much because their beloved pond animals already bit the big one in an oil spill. Tally-HO!